( Cough)  “Hi, um..I am Amanda Sanders and a recovering People Pleaser”.  (Hi Amanda)

I am not proud of my people pleasing past. I admit that I have done many unsavory things in order to keep the “peace” in my life. I have sold things I did not want to sell to people who did not want to buy.  I have sat through sales pitches for items I did not intend to purchase because I didn’t want to “hurt” any one’s feelings. I confess to using the verse “Blessed are the peacemakers” as an excuse to endure things I should not have endured. I have taken pride in the titles Least Likely To Say No and Non Boat Rocker.

 There is nothing harder on a People Pleaser, recovering or in denial, than the Holidays. Folks are everywhere! Wanting, needing things that they are certain only you can give them emotionally, physically and even spiritually. Do you suffer from this addiction? Here is a handy little checklist to diagnose the symptoms.  (Admitting we have a problem is the first step in recovery People)

1.  Overbooked:  Are you on tweleve  sub committees, seven inquiry panels and three nonemergency phone trees? Do you have commitments to Save the Blind Snow Birds, Houses without Shingles and Gardeners Without Borders? If you have to hide in the bathroom at church because you can’t say “No, thanks. I have enough fundraising popcorn.” without suffering heart palpitations, you’re into people pleasing. So cancel that unfortunate membership you got roped into with Nudists, Not By Choice and give yourself a break.

2. “Let me think about it” isn’t in your vocabulary.  Go ahead. Try to string these foreign sounding words together.  I’ll wait…  Did you do it? It wasn’t that hard, right? Wait, you look sort of bluish. Somebody get some oxygen in here stat!

3.  I AM SO SORRY!  If you have ever apologised to a mugger, um…people pleaser. I have apologized for having tiny veins, big feet, too much facial hair, not enough blond highlights, cows that I did not own being out in the highway, snow, rain, salty bacon, contracting meningitis, a neighbors fallen tree, a perpetually late postal agent, runny eggs and lots of other things I had no control over. Sad, strange and true.

4.  I Don’t Know, What Do You Want To Do?  Here’s the deal. People pleasing addiction totally handicaps us when it comes to future planning. It’s next to impossible to know what we want to do, when our schedule totally revolves around other people and their whims. For instance, there was time I was unable to commit to virtually anything because I would need to run my agenda past so many people. Being sure to let their opinions dictate what my next move should be.  Needing clearance from your mother, dog walker, and clergyman before you can agree to meet a friend for a movie next month is a big red flag.  People Pleaser.

5. Restless Nights    Nights spent watching endless infomercials are usually the result of spending our waking hours immersed in people pleasing. Night time is the right time to be with the one you love now. Trust Ray Charles baby. Night time is NOT the right time to be obsessing over those you love or barely tolerate.  So if you know what a Neckline Slimmer does or own a Express Ready Set Go!, you might be a people pleaser.

6.  You Are Flat Out Exhausted.  Attempting to please others is a full time job with ridiculous overtime,  no salary, benefits or retirement. In fact, it’s such a poor career that you will be emotionally bankrupt in no time. Angry Stressed Person will replace your name on your drivers licence. Little kids will cry when they have to walk past your house.  Not a good choice for a productive livlihood, I know.

7.  You Are Thinking About Running Away From Home  Look, when we are seven and we want to go join the circus because we have had enough, it’s normal.  Cute even. Finding yourself applying for the position of Bearded Lady or Alligator Jim with Carney Folk at the age of 37?  There’ s a problem somewhere.

Removing oneself from the role of people pleasing is much easier than a lifetime spent surrounded by questionable corn dogs and foul funnel cakes. Sharing a bunk with a man named Rubel The Sword Eater and a nine legged cat is not a good way to live out the rest of your days on this earth. I think. Don’t quote me on that.

If you can identify with any of this rambling…bless your heart! People pleasers of the world unite! Of course we’ll have to decide on a time.  Everyone check everyone else’s schedules and get back to me.  Unless that is being too bossy. Okay, I will contact you.  Maybe, “contact” is too aggressive. I don’t want to bother you.  I think I am bothering you right now! I am so sorry.   ; )