We had taken a quick vacation with the family, last week to a resort a few hours from home. This place had a water park full of screaming children running wild. My kids were immediately smitten with the place. Me? Not so much. I was envisioning multiple fall scenarios that would require an Emergency Room visit. Every where I looked there were unsafe acts being committed. Kids running on wet floors, diving head first  into 6 feet deep pools, pushing each other and ridiculous amounts of choking/ coughing/ water in the lungs. Indoors and out, mostly unsupervised juveniles roamed on the edge of certain injury. The noise was deafening.  My own children were of course desperate to join in the fun.

After a while, I spied a gigantic rock hot tub located behind strategically placed ferns in a tucked away corner. It was beautiful. HUGE. An oasis of tranquillity. That little spot of heaven could accommodate twenty adults easily. The best part: no one was in it! I tried not to act too excited, kids can sniff out parental hope a mile away. So I played it cool and casually wandered near the hot tub pretending to check out the plants. As I got near the steps, I turned for a quick look behind me to make sure I hadn’t been followed. The coast was clear!  I sunk down into the steamy water. My attitude began to immediately improve. “This place isn’t so bad. Your kids are having a great time. RELAX.” I thought and I did…

“HI MOM!!” screeched my four year old son Zack. I jumped and hit my head on the rock ledge of the tub. In he came to what I was now referring to as “my sanctuary”. He splashed on in and sat down. Expounding on where he believed all of this warm water was coming from. His exuberant tone of voice soon attracted a little girl who drug her  parents into the “hot waters” for some splashing. (Thus proving my theory that children sense when adults are trying to be quiet. They are drawn to solitude like moths to a flame. Moths that come to destroy with big buckets of icy cold water and obnoxiously loud, early nineties pop music)

The little girl plopped down between her parents and they looked at me. Now it was a party. A small awkward party of guests that wanted each other to leave. I could see it in their eyes “Please. Go away. Let us have this one little piece of happiness to ourselves. Do you see our daughter? She is KILLING us. QUICKLY. We just want this one warm spot of water…please…leave.”.  I shifted my position and ignored their looks. I couldn’t do it. Give them the one thing they wanted- alone time.

Zack continued on talking about his puppy, a desire for a pocket knife to kill bands of roving bears, his plan to protect me from said bears that might attack when I least expected, like at Kroger’s grocery store. I began my “Uh huh. That’s right. Good job.” mantra and closed my eyes. 

 The little girl soon left but her parents had stayed behind and started the hot tub… and some cuddling. Even more awkward. Water started gently swirling and one big air bubble rose to the surface. “IT WASN’T ME! I PROMISE!” Zack yelled out in their direction. Then on cue a million little bubbles started breaking the surface of the water. Zack then looked directly at the couple and said “IT MUST HAVE BEEN MY MOM! THAT’S A LOT OF BUBBLES!”.

 They looked at me with hard, unsmiling faces. At that moment, I decided to give them the one thing that they wanted all along.  ”Enjoy the hot tub!” I said, as I exited ungracefully.