18 Ways to Turn a Man Off

18 Ways to Turn a Man Off

1.   Ask him, “Do you think I am fat?”.  Repeat at least seven times per day.

2.   Insist that he wear only the clothes you buy for him.  Especially chenille sweaters. Lovely.

3.   Take him with you to buy new couch pillows.  Spend eight hours choosing the perfect ones.  Decide in  the checkout line you’d rather buy new curtains. Return home empty handed.

4.   Question his taste in friends at least twice a week.

5.   Sigh.  Disgustedly. Often.

6.   Look lovingly at him and ask, “What are you thinking about?”

7.   Expect his response to be, “You, dear.  Only you.”

8.   Assume he knows why you are angry.

9.   When he asks what is wrong with you, say, “Nothing.”

10. At least once a week, during prime time television, tell him you’d like to talk about your “feelings”.

11. Tell your friends every detail of your marriage.  Tell your man what your friends said.

12. Always assume that unless you tell him to do something, he will not do what needs to be done.

13. Call him Pumpkin, Sugar Daddy, or Big Boy in front of his friends and co-workers.

14. Tell his boss that he’s really a big softie and cried during Titanic.

15. Talk about your “cycle”.

16. Obsess over all his ex-girlfriends.

17. Talk about the kids during foreplay.

18. Take EVERYTHING personally.

Okay, let’s hear it.  What are some more ways to turn a man off?  I know that you all have some good ones…

   

 

16 Responses »

  1. 19. Don’t shave your legs.
    20. Force him to attend a couple’s shower.
    21. When he’s watching the game – ask, “Is this the only thing on tv tonight?”
    22. Ask him if he wants to have a fifth child.

  2. Dear Amanda, (Abby)

    I am scared, this list looks all too familiar. Do I need to be more aware of my wife’s intentions? I just always thought she was ‘unique’ in showing her love for me, what should I do now that I know the truth behind her actions?

    Signed,

    Burned out light bulb in billboard of life

  3. Top Secret information, when I committ some small, very,very small infraction and try to kiss up to Doug and he thinks that I am just being sneaky or avoiding the issue, he resists my womanly wiles. Just how am I supposed to make-up? Maybe it’s his age.

  4. Morethananelectrician- No conspiracy. Just 12 years of married life under my belt.

    Dusty- I am so guilty of #21! Lord, help me to love Dirty Jobs.

    Dear Burned out Lightbulb- Perhaps a sweet note telling your dear wife how to be more supportive is in order. Women do appreciate those things.

    Susan- Funny as usual.

    Noreen- I cannot believe that you would use your womanly wiles to smooth things over at home. Really. I thought I was the only one who does that…

    As If- your comments were hysterically funny. Some of those I am guilty of doing…Don’t even try to guess which ones! Still, I had to censor your comments. Nothing personal- but my mom reads this blog. :)

  5. These are great! I read them to those assembled in my Live Chat the other night. We had a big laugh…then I read Dusty’s list to them. I dunno about reading Doug’s list to them! lol

  6. Well, I haven’t commented because I was turned off. :)
    However, I’ve had a few chuckles over the comments and add-ons. I’ll have to ponder on this for a while.

  7. Alright, Sharla has awakened the beast.

    Buying your wife a classy piece of lingerie for Valentine’s Day and her making you take it back with her in tow is a definite turn-off!

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